I know I’ve only just turned 23 years old, and a few years of my twenties were robbed by covid – but it has taken me a surprisingly long time to go to a kink event. Though, this is in part due to the scarcity of major kink events and dungeons outside of areas such as Brighton or London in the UK. This changed when I finally went to a kink bar in Frankfurt am Main in Germany – the Grande Opera. So, I thought I would document my experiences going for the first time, even if they are slightly uneventful (damn anxiety). Hopefully, the next few times I go, I’ll be more adventurous.
Everyone had to test at a centre and be covid negative before being allowed to enter – makes sense if people are going to be close together in intimate ways, right? My partner and I met with his friend in the ‘newcomers circle’ where they described the ground rules for the club in general and the two playrooms. Thankfully the host could speak fluent English as the newcomers included my partner and I (both British) and two American girls. The general rules included:
- Strict cell phone ban except in cloakroom, to protect people’s privacy and prevent people recording others without consent.
- Active consent must be followed throughout. Many people use the traffic light system to check-in. If someone in a scene is trying to leave a scene but the other/s aren’t stopping, bystanders must intervene to get the individual out safely.
- People must play in a safe, sane, and consensual manner. Condoms are offered by the club to allow for safer sex practices.
- No blood or excrement play is allowed in playrooms.
- Uninvited touching without consent will result in an immediate ban.
- No discussions of politics.
- No drinks in the playrooms to protect people from broken glass.
- Excessive consumption of alcohol or consumption of any drugs is a no go as individuals need to be able to fully consent to the activities they are engaging in.
An unfortunately refreshing point the guide stressed was that men’s consent needs to be respected and emphasised. He told us that people tend to assume that men should just “deal with it and take it” even when they were safewording or stating they weren’t comfortable with being touched, despite the emphasis on consent within the kink community. It’s an important emphasis that consent and respect should be extended to people of all genders, sexualities, or sexual positions.
After the ground rules were laid out, we were given a tour of the building. The first and largest room was the dance/bar room, with points around the ceiling to allow for rope suspension. The next room we entered was the kink playroom, which was fully stocked with several St. Andrew’s crosses, medical play tables, benches, and cages. Finally, we were taken to the couples area where only couples (or three people) or single women were allowed to enter. Single men are exempt from the room to help reduce uncomfortable situations with predatory men. This room was mostly covered in vinyl-covered mattresses, with several private rooms with doors at the back, as well as a shower. Within both the kink and couples room, curtains and doors were implemented to allow for privacy. Another rule stressed to us was to avoid opening any curtains or doors, even if it seems quiet and as if no one was in there. Whilst many people who go to kink clubs may be exhibitionists, it’s important to respect those who want to use the gear or have sex in a kink club, but don’t want people coming in and watching them.
The atmosphere was incredibly welcoming, especially as a kinkster who hadn’t broken into the IRL scene yet. I felt quite underdressed compared to everyone wearing their most elaborate kink gear – or were semi/fully nude. I mostly chatted to those in the newcomer’s group about their kinks, what they were into, what they were looking for that night etc.
Within that group, I spoke to a girl who recently entered the scene in America and was visiting Germany for a few days. She had a big interest in rope bondage and offered to tie me up (as seen in the cover image for this blog – the only picture I was able to take as it was outside the actual event). I’d be lying if I said this experience plus the amazing demonstrations of suspension rope bondage didn’t sparked my interest quite a bit – which is exactly why these events are so great. They allow you to find and explore new things that you’d maybe want to try in a safe and understanding environment. Unfortunately, I think we left before anyone did anything particularly interesting to watch in either of the playrooms (even though we only stayed till about 12:30 and the event closed at 3am) – maybe next time I’ll stay later.
Overall, I’d definitely recommend anyone interested in kink go to a kink event at some point in their life. I felt safer in this environment compared to many of the regular clubs I’ve been to as there is such a strong emphasis and understanding of consensual play and risk awareness! I think it would definitely be a lot of fun to enter the community and learn more about kink practices and experiences.
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